I Am For the Writings of the Songs and All of These Things

Wiglet

I’m sitting here looking over notes and trying to piece together a new album – a process that I have always believed suffers in presence of a formula and thrives in chaos. Fuck the music as math credos – I want music as chaos. Organized chaos.

Wiglet

I’m sitting here looking over notes and trying to piece together a new album – a process that I have always believed suffers in presence of a formula and thrives in chaos. Fuck the music as math credos – I want music as chaos. Organized chaos.

Maybe I need to take that notion back and reconsider my song writing stance as, over the years, I’ve found my own brand of chaos that works well for me. Part of which involves looking back over random hummings and strummings that have ingrained themselves over the past year in my phone’s voice recorder. And part of which involves looking back over scrawled scratches in the little bright orange notebook that accompanies me everywhere. And part of which involves picking up a guitar and observing where my fingers naturally fall and pushing them to go other places. And part of which involves euphoria and depression. And part of which involves stepping away from it so I can come back clearer and virginal to the songs. And part of which involves obsessing over one small melody to the point of insomnia. And part of which involves waking up at 3AM from deep sleep because some song, lyric, or image is haunting me and I have to get it out of my head. And part of which recently  involves trying to clear the fatigue, brain fog, and sometimes debilitating pain I’ve been feeling for the past four months so that I can actually concentrate on this shit.

Wiglet Can't Write Songs

Wiglet Can't Write Songs

So maybe there is a formula to it all. Maybe I should have paid more attention in the Music Theory classes I took high school and college that are all a blur to me these days. Classes I took because I thought you needed to learn this stuff in order to write decent music. And because I didn’t want to take math classes. Classes where I learned valuable stuff like you can’t have parallel fifths or octaves and that you should avoid large intervals. True, the large intervals rule has come in handy when crossing the street, but the rest has had no transference in my music career.

I’m not anti music theory. Learning theory in any aspect helps as a communication tool and a way to process information; especially valuable in major composition or learning other’s music.

I’m anti music formula. Formula can take the form of theory dictating composition, or habit dictating composition. Whether it’s a music theory expert that writes formulaic music or a chaos driven song writer who stylistically writes the same chords and lyrics over and over again – that shit gets boring!

At least it gets boring to me.

So as I sit down and look at a list I made of 15 partially written potentials for my next album (right now given descriptive titles such as “Disco-ish Bluesy Song” and “Runny Arpeggio Song”) maybe I’ll start sharing some thought process along the way with things that help me get out of my song writing habits and explore music creative process. Not song writing lessons, those are dumb. But explorations of things in my music tool bag. Maybe. I don’t know. If time allows.

By the way, who the fuck actually takes classes in song writing? Seriously, what the fuck? I mean I see the merit in learning some tips on creative process, but classes? That’s up there with “Social Media Experts” and “Penis Pumps” for things meant to suck money out of you based on the somewhat valid premise that people are idiots.

Ok, enough ranting. Time to get back to songs.

Tracking the Growth of Indie Musician’s Bathrooms Across the U.S.

Walmart. There are two prevailing views of this mega global multi ginormous kinda-huge retail conglomerate. View 1: They are evil, small-business killing, anti-health care, bible beating, media censoring, corporate slave-driving siphons of the United States economy to China. View 2: They are benevolent, low-priced purveyors of the pocket-book, champions of capitalism, bible beating, providers of [...]

Walmart. There are two prevailing views of this mega global multi ginormous kinda-huge retail conglomerate.

View 1: They are evil, small-business killing, anti-health care, bible beating, media censoring, corporate slave-driving siphons of the United States economy to China.

View 2: They are benevolent, low-priced purveyors of the pocket-book, champions of capitalism, bible beating, providers of economic stabilization and employment to communities everywhere… especially China.

While I tend to side with View #1, I also realize that I have the luxury of living in New York City, which has been able to keep Walmart at bay. So I don’t get to see the death/growth cycles Walmart pulses out first-hand in my day to day living.

However my relationship with Walmart is not one of retail. As a working and touring musician, Walmart provides an invaluable service to me and my kind: Bathrooms.

There are vast stretches in this country in which Walmart provides the only viable haven to sleep (in your van in their mammoth parking lot) while having 24 hour access to the facilities. When you’re on the road in the middle of winter, too broke to get a motel room and too far from any truck stop – it’s a god-send. And for that, and that alone, I applaud them.

So I present to you, via the hallowed archiver named YouTube, this animation that shows off the growth of Walmart stores in the U.S. over the years. Whether you view the green growth in the video as the saving of the greenback or a sludge of green poison spreading across America, know that to indie musicians everywhere it represents greener pastures for unloading their own green ooze while on tour.

El Dia Del Mustache 2009

pheroze mc yummy best novelty stache

March 28th, 2009 has been deemed a blessed day. A day in which we pay our respects in deference to the gods and goddesses (but mostly gods) of that holiest of facial enhancement – the mustache. The date for the 7th annual El Dia Del Mustache has been announced. Mark it in your calendars. I [...]

March 28th, 2009 has been deemed a blessed day. A day in which we pay our respects in deference to the gods and goddesses (but mostly gods) of that holiest of facial enhancement – the mustache.

The date for the 7th annual El Dia Del Mustache has been announced. Mark it in your calendars. I will post more details as they become available.

While El Dia Del Mustache is generally a day of comraderie marking a unification of follicles, folk and fury, there is a degree of competition involved. My word-hole spittle filter and I have won “Best In Show” at El Dia 3 in 2005 and “Best Novelty ‘Stache” (along with perennial “Best Molester ‘Stache” winner, MC Yummy) at El Dia 6 in 2008.

Start growing! And check out El Dia Del Mustache’s official site here for more info.

In the Event Namor and Aquaman Choose to Destroy Us

Well, happy new year! Should ‘happy new year’ be capitalized? I don’t know! Happy New Year! I spent a lot of time reflecting over the turn of the year. As I was kicking everyone’s asses in a New Year’s Eve party bout of Wii boxing (seriously I was like a misshapen Rocky – oh wait, [...]

Well, happy new year! Should ‘happy new year’ be capitalized? I don’t know! Happy New Year!

I spent a lot of time reflecting over the turn of the year. As I was kicking everyone’s asses in a New Year’s Eve party bout of Wii boxing (seriously I was like a misshapen Rocky – oh wait, that‘s kind of redundant), I was thinking about the challenges humanity faces in 2009. I like lists (they organize me) so let’s make a list of said challenges!:

  1. Global Warming
  2. Terrorism
  3. Economy
  4. Other Stuff

I’m proud to say I came up with solutions to the problems listed above. These solutions all depend on one crucial fulcrum: Teaching your baby to swim.

Watch this video on oceanic babies. It’s vital and awesome. And just a tad creepy in a maritime pedophile way:

If we can teach infants to swim, we can teach them to hold and shoot harpoon guns and missiles. Time for another list:

  1. Aquatic Baby Army =  Oceanic Borders safe from terrorists = NO terrorism
  2. Aquatic Baby Army = Perfect Pirates = Gold and plunder = More money for everyone = Economy set to Awesome
  3. Aquatic Baby Army = More time in the water =  Evolutionary Gill Growth =  Future generations safe from rising shorelines =  Kevin Costner was right all along =  Damn you Costner
  4. Aquatic Baby Army = Other Stuff disappears = Up yours Costner

Resolve to raise a buoyant baby this year. Our futures depend on it. And dammit, I want gills.