Well, happy new year! Should ‘happy new year’ be capitalized? I don’t know! Happy New Year!
I spent a lot of time reflecting over the turn of the year. As I was kicking everyone’s asses in a New Year’s Eve party bout of Wii boxing (seriously I was like a misshapen Rocky – oh wait, that‘s kind of redundant), I was thinking about the challenges humanity faces in 2009. I like lists (they organize me) so let’s make a list of said challenges!:
- Global Warming
- Terrorism
- Economy
- Other Stuff
I’m proud to say I came up with solutions to the problems listed above. These solutions all depend on one crucial fulcrum: Teaching your baby to swim.
Watch this video on oceanic babies. It’s vital and awesome. And just a tad creepy in a maritime pedophile way:
If we can teach infants to swim, we can teach them to hold and shoot harpoon guns and missiles. Time for another list:
- Aquatic Baby Army = Oceanic Borders safe from terrorists = NO terrorism
- Aquatic Baby Army = Perfect Pirates = Gold and plunder = More money for everyone = Economy set to Awesome
- Aquatic Baby Army = More time in the water = Evolutionary Gill Growth = Future generations safe from rising shorelines = Kevin Costner was right all along = Damn you Costner
- Aquatic Baby Army = Other Stuff disappears = Up yours Costner
Resolve to raise a buoyant baby this year. Our futures depend on it. And dammit, I want gills.
where else but Pheroze.com blog? fantastic vid sir. the ideas proposed,
whoa… you’re polished! and agreement achieved with the blender… up yours Costner! LYFAO
Comment by Gwendolyn H. Barry — January 8, 2009 @ 7:24 am
[...] am I good or what? Remember when I wrote about the absolute necessity of teaching your baby to swim because Namor and Aquaman just might decide to fuck our land lubbing selves [...]
Pingback by Aquatic Domination by Atlanteans Inevitable | Pheroze — February 20, 2009 @ 8:55 am