Greatest Movie Ever in the History of Planet Earth Just Got Better

February 25, 2009

Damn. My psychic powers are on a roll! Schwarzenegger is confirmed to appear in Stallone’s who’s who of 80′s kickassery.

Arnold will be stretching his acting chops by playing the governor of California.

Stallone and Arnold BFF

Stallone and Arnold BFF

I kind of called this when I first heard of this flick. Now as for Van Damme, it seems he was offered the role but turned it down because Stallone wouldn’t tell him about the character. What the shit? It’s a movie directed and written by Sylvester Stallone, starring Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Forest Whitaker and Eric Roberts and he’s expecting a fleshed out character? I think JCVD’s art flick feel went to his head.

Van Damme, all we want you to do is kick people, then jump in the air and kick people some more. Maybe pull off a one-liner like “want to play footsie” or some shit. But we don’t need to see you emote. On the other hand, you are making Bloodsport 2, so all is mostly forgiven.

Stallone and Lundgren together again?

December 17, 2008

Hands down my favorite movie of the year was Rambo. It was amazing. When someone asks me to describe it, I can only relate the experience of watching Rambo for the first time to punching yourself in the face with a unicorn horn that’s been shaped into the form of Sylvester Stallone’s fist dipped in chocolate and breast milk.

Seriously, it’s that good.

Dolph Lundgren Throws Down

Dolph Lundgren Throws Down

I’ve been wondering how Stallone could top Rambo (Rambo 4 for the uninitiated). And when I first heard news of his next project, The Expendables, I thought it was a good step towards the unconquerable, but not quite there. Even if he is directing, starring and bringing on Jason Statham and Jet Li. Good, but not Rambo good. Not “rip your throat out with my bare hands” good.

Then I read this today. Wow. Having Lundgren in there changes the game. Look at him about throw down in his suit. He’s smiling. An evil maniacal smile. While wearing a bracelet made of beads. Lundgren is into bead work?

So… who’s next? Schwarzenegger and Van Damme?

Alright, I gotta go drink milk before this movie comes out.